I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
