A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
