why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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