her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
