so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
