Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
