I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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