Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
