Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
