dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
