at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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