His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
