I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
