Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
