How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
