his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
