How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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