I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
