I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
