I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
