Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
