sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
