his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
