U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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