When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
