Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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