This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
