Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
