Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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