Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
