Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
