You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
