We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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