I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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