I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
