In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
