You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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