Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
