walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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