you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
