i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
