before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
