dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
