i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
