i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
