So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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