she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
well you can't waste a boner
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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