I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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