i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
