i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My dad is sitting where you rode me
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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