I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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