People with herpes should wear stickers.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
